More than once you had mumbled control z to yourself after throwing to much salt in the stew or dropping a glass on the floor. You also talked to your computer in this manner as if it was a live thing, possibly sensitive to reason, come on, what the hell, you gonna crash again?

You turn your computer off, last person at the office, walk out and lock the door. The stairwell is dark and doesn't light up. You walk out through the door and into the street, shining black from autumn rain, the light like dust on the street lamps. It’s November and you can’t find a reason to go home. Now, depending on who you are and what kind of family situation you find yourself in, there’s a couple of choices. If, for instance, you have a wife and two beautiful kids you might go home anyway because someone would worry if you didn’t. If you left your office in capacity of partner you also might want to go home, reasoning that your next twelve hour work shift will require all the strength your November body can procure. You’re none of those people but all alone and quite comfortable with this. You can do what you like and that’s the reason you stayed so long to begin with.

You stand outside the door a while thinking about life and computer life. Undo, redo, cut and paste. Save, why don’t you. That wouldn’t be so bad. Then, you could have saved your conversation the other night. You were alone with your book and she, two seats away, was drinking the same beer you did. She asked if you liked it. The beer? you asked, and she laughed with dimples and kept smiling saying she meant the book, she read it. You got a little nervous because now you would have to put the book down to say something not stupid but not to enthusiastic either and not too critical because you didn’t know what she thought about it. You had a sip of beer and turned to her saying what you thought about it, so far. Her smile stayed and spread, for that was what she thought too, but now I will leave you alone, wouldn’t wanna disturb. You opened the book again but couldn’t finish a sentence without starting over all the time and then you closed the book and moved closer and clinked your glass against hers, not to hard. She smiled again and you sat there till the bar closed, four beers later. That would have been nice to save, control s, and do over.

You’ve started to walk now because when you stayed outside the door you were cold. A barber sweeps the last strands of hair, a coffeshop has put all the chairs on the tables and put out the lights except a lamp over the counter where a woman sits huddled over a book or is it a binder. She closes the binder/book and turns out the light. You see yourself in the glass then. You see that you have stopped, staring, but you don’t see her anymore, just yourself. You’re just about to shape up and leave when the door opens and she steps out. You shift your feet, both on your way and shouldn’t you apologize for staring, what if she saw you (ctrl z). I’m sorry, you say, I don’t usually stare. It’s cool, she says, and walks the other way. Redo, redo, screams a small voice that only you can hear but that’s not possible so what can you do but swallow and move on. The irony is probably that your brain autosaves this to be able to play it at will. You shrug and cut yourself out (don’t copy, you don’t want to be two) and paste yourself into a bar. When you’ve been there a while, completely alone except bartender you paste another customer. She smiles and asks about your book, she read it. You get a little nervous but tells her about the book and you sit there till the bar closes, four beers later.

Tomorrow at work your computer crashes three times before lunch and you curse it silently wishing for a new one. What if you where new, you say. The computer sighs, a-hems and answers quietly but audibly, what if you should go home now. What if you should go home to your family. I bet they miss you. And when you think about it you probably miss them too. I am, after all, just a computer (ctrl-alt-delete).

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